Results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: Here you go, dwim a short one... :)

  1. #1
    HB Forum Owner erisesoteric's Avatar
    Join Date
    March 20th, 2000
    Posts
    3,452
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quoted
    0 Post(s)

    Post

    SMALL TALK

    These are the days of the absence of pain.
    And I get up and walk away distracted
    And is there anything to say to this
    That I am the one that can't be touched
    And doubted, wonder at the frantic pace.

    Saw it all, where it was going
    Didn't want to take that track,
    And so I killed the conversation
    Trying to explain
    And being clear
    Drew lines across
    The lines that crossed my face.

    And wandered out to find
    A trace of something left
    From when I felt the trace
    Of fingers down my spine.

    I found my heart exposed
    And lying on the street
    I pulled it open to examine
    Found I'd lost the heart of me.

  2. #2
    Dano
    Guest Dano's Avatar

    Lightbulb

    Often when I read eris's poetry, I read it aloud to myself, and it makes more sense, plus a very definite rhythm becomes apparent, enhansing the whole thing.

    *nods head slowly*

  3. #3
    HB Forum Owner erisesoteric's Avatar
    Join Date
    March 20th, 2000
    Posts
    3,452
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quoted
    0 Post(s)

    Post

    Thank you both. My stuff is definately better when read out loud.... That's part of how I compose, and decide what to keep and what to lose....

  4. #4
    HB Forum Owner AsIs's Avatar
    Join Date
    December 9th, 1999
    Posts
    1,777
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quoted
    1 Post(s)

    Post

    I like it Eris! Read it thru a few times. smile

    ------------------
    - "How do you know the chosen ones? No greater love hath a man than he lay down his life for his friend. Not for millions, not for glory, not for fame... for one person. In the dark. Where no one will ever know or see." - Sebastion, Babylon 5
    - INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.

  5. #5
    HB Forum Owner Branflakes's Avatar
    Join Date
    December 3rd, 1999
    Posts
    2,290
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quoted
    0 Post(s)

    Nice one. Not too long. biggrin

    ------------------
    Branflakes, the ninja lesbian milk getter.
    The one called "brain".
    I walk the path, trying not to get pulled into the weeds.
    God never gives us more than we can handle.
    "See that star...the one shining brighter than all the others? I know the girl who hung it there."

  6. #6
    Inactive Member dwim's Avatar
    Join Date
    July 21st, 1999
    Posts
    692
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quoted
    0 Post(s)

    Post

    that is really good eris. I like the shift in the voice and everything about it. To reiterate dano, it does have a good rythm to it. I like it. Keep up the good work.

    ------------------
    There's loneliness in the radios...

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •